UnShaded Revelations

Friends! It’s been short minute, hasn’t it? Life has a way of sweeping us up in its whirlwind, leaving us gasping for a moment to catch our breath and reflect. 

I love how God orchestrates things. Just before I started writing this post, I shared a Facebook status on a similar theme. At the time, I didn’t have any answers. But as I began writing this blog post, suddenly, answers and actionable steps became clear. Keep reading…

Y’all remember the song “Unappreciated” by Cherish? It seems like the soundtrack to my life lately: 🎶“I’m feeling really unappreciated, you’ve takin’ my love for granted, babe.”🎶

Have you ever found yourself in that lonely space? The one where you give your all, wear multiple hats, yet somehow feel like your efforts go unnoticed? I’ve been there — I am there…

Lately, I have been feeling emotionally drained. When asked what’s wrong, my default response has been a simple, “I’m tired.” Truth is, it’s more than just fatigue—it’s deep emotional burnout. And a big part of that? Feeling totally unseen, unheard, undervalued, and like my efforts are taken for granted.

I’ve got a lot of hats in my closet, both personally and professionally. I’m a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an educator, district leader and serve on various boards for ministry. Just listing them out feels exhausting; But it’s the reality of my life, and possibly yours too.

Motherhood! – Ain’t no ‘hood like motherhood! Motherhood is an incredible journey, but let’s be real—it’s a thankless job. If we’re honest, it’s often romanticized, portrayed as a journey filled with endless love and joy. While these sentiments are undoubtedly present, the reality of motherhood is far more complex.

From the moment my son was born, it’s been non-stop. I’m the chef, the chauffeur, the tutor, the therapist, the money bag,… you name it, I do it. And while I wouldn’t trade it for the world, it can be tough feeling like all of it goes unnoticed and unacknowledged. We find ourselves pulled in countless directions, juggling the demands of work, household chores, and personal relationships. And let me tell you, it’s no easy feat. In the midst of this chaos, we inadvertently become experts at multitasking and seamlessly transitioning between roles throughout the day.

Now add in being a single mom? Sheesh! Don’t misunderstand I have a village and I’m grateful for them, however, the bulk of responsibility falls on me. There’s no (in-house) partner to share the load, no one to be my sounding board, no one to celebrate the wins and navigate the challenges with. It’s all on me, and sometimes that feels like a heavy burden to bear.

The emotional labor of motherhood is immense. We are not only responsible for meeting our child’s physical needs but also for providing love, guidance, and emotional support. We serve as their confidantes, cheerleaders, and mentors, often putting our own needs aside to prioritize theirs.

Speaking of juggling, let’s talk about the professional side of things. Have you ever had to manage adults? Sometimes they’re just as bad, if not, worse than the kids. My career entails being an advocate for students, a negotiator, a mediator resolving conflicts—sometimes a legal enforcer setting strict parameters, sometimes a broken record repeating the same instructions, and then most days an authority ensuring accountability. And trust me, if an issue reaches me, it’s escalated beyond the usual, being that I’m one of the last points of escalation — further adding to the demands on my time and energy. And on top of all that, I’m involved in a bunch of other stuff too. Ministry, volunteering, serving on boards…you name it, I’m probably doing it.

Here’s the thing, despite all the hats I wear, being the sounding board for others, doing for others, I’ve been grappling with a sense of invisibility in certain areas of my life. It’s a heavy burden to carry, and it’s been taking its toll. If I’m honest it has led to feelings of resentment, frustration, and exhaustion.

In all transparency, this Mother’s Day was super challenging for me. I felt like an afterthought—no card, no flowers, no thank you. It stung, I won’t lie. I guess it’s par for the course. Again, I don’t do what I do for claps, but it feels good to be celebrated, especially on a day like that. 

In the midst of grappling with these feelings of invisibility and the emotional toll of Mother’s Day, I’ve realized that amidst the chaos and emotional drain, there is solace to be found.  Appreciation doesn’t have to come in the form of grand gestures or public accolades. It’s the little things —a simple text, a heartfelt note, or even a spontaneous phone call —that make all the difference. 

So here’s my challenge to you, friends, make an effort to show love and appreciation to those around us. You never know what someone might be going through behind the scenes, and a little kindness can go a long way. Expressing thanks and showing appreciation can make a world of difference. As someone whose love language is words of affirmation, I can tell you firsthand how meaningful it is to hear a heartfelt “thank you” or a few kind words. 

I can hear y’all now: “Chels, I hear you, but I’m not embracing not being heard or feeling invisible!” That’s definitely NOT what I mean by “Embracing the Invisible”. Embracing the invisible has less to do with external validation and affirmation and more to do with internal and intrinsic (invisible 😉) affirmation. It’s about valuing our own efforts and acknowledging our own worth, even when others do not. This involves practicing self-care and mindfulness, focusing on our inner well-being, and finding joy in small, personal acts of kindness and grace.

Embracing the invisible means recognizing and accepting those aspects of our lives that go unnoticed by others, and finding strength and comfort within ourselves. Here are some steps God gave me today to help embrace the invisible:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize and accept your feelings of being unseen and unheard. It’s important to validate your own emotions.
2. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy. This can be anything from taking a long bath to reading a favorite book to late night music drives (my favorite).
3. Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family or a therapist. Sharing your experiences with others can provide comfort and insight.

4. Celebrate Small Wins: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your own achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Every step forward is progress.

5. Communicate Your Needs: Don’t hesitate to express your need for appreciation and recognition to those around you. Sometimes people are unaware of how you feel.

6. Reflect and Meditate: Spend time in reflection and meditation to center yourself. This helps in gaining clarity and perspective on your emotions.

   • Biblical Affirmations: Incorporate biblical affirmations and scriptures into your reflection time. Examples include:

     • “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14) – I am uniquely created and deeply valued by God.

     • “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) – I am never alone; God’s presence is with me always, guiding and comforting me.

     • “You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4) – God sees me as precious and honored, reinforcing my worth and significance.

     • “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3) – God’s everlasting love and kindness are constant, affirming my value in His eyes.

     • “Even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:30-31) – I am always seen and cherished by God, who lovingly provides intimate care and attention to every detail of my life.

   • Speak Truth to Yourself: Combat feelings of invisibility with affirmations based on Scripture. Remind yourself daily that you are known, loved, and seen by God. Write down the above affirmations (or find some of your own) and repeat them when you need encouragement.

As I navigate through these emotions, I find comfort in the words of 1 Peter 5:7. It’s a reminder that I’m not alone, that there’s someone who cares for me deeply. And until I figure out how to manage these feelings a bit better, I’ll hold onto that assurance and trust in the love that surrounds me.

This journey of feeling unseen and unheard has been rough, but it’s also been eye-opening. It’s taught me compassion (for self and others), empathy, grace, and the importance of reaching out when you need a hand. And hey, if you’re feeling unappreciated too, just know you’re not alone. It’s ok to feel what you feel; give yourself grace. I’m learning that embracing the invisible and to extend grace to self is to practice self-care and mindfulness. Find moments of joy and peace in small acts of kindness to self. You got this! 

With Love & Grace,

Chels