Labels.

Labels are the way “we” categorize something or someone. They can be subjective, objective, they can uplift or they can tear down.

My reality is that I’ve spent most of my life trying to outrun labels. Trying not to be what people said I was. In elementary school, I was called a goodie two shoes, stuck up, the teacher’s pet, but on the other side of that I was always noted as smart, intelligent, and gifted. Kids can be cruel, so how I looked came into play. I remember being one of the tallest kids in class, called ugly, my nose being made fun of, being called buck tooth, and few other things. While in elementary school, in an effort to fit in and not be the goodie two shoes, I said something about a principal that got me in a world of trouble (at home). This is the first time I remember trying run away from a label. By the time, I got to junior high school, I had gained a substantial amount of weight, so now another label was added, FAT (just to be clear, not all these labels came from school either).

I want to note here how important it is to affirm your children BEFORE anyone else has an opportunity to influence or harm their self-view.

As I continued my matriculation through school, I realized I either needed to gain a voice or constantly be run over. So what did I do? Gained a voice and RBF, because NO ONE was going to run me over. 😂 Now, I’ve always had a smart mouth, but this is when the attitude was birth with it. I tried to keep the “good girl” persona in front of adults, but my “friends” and some teachers 🤷🏾‍♀️ were privy to the ‘tude, smart mouth and RBF.

Throughout HS, college, and young adulthood came more labels: mean, b****, crazy, and rude were now added to the bunch. I didn’t take issue with those (then), I felt if people thought I was those things, they would leave me alone (Unbeknownst to me, I was dealing with abandonment/rejection issues, so not letting people get close was a thing, cause if you got close, when you realized I wasn’t perfect, made mistakes, or possibly unintentionally hurt you…you’d walk away, but that’s a different story for another day). Sad part about all of that is that it couldn’t be further from who I am. At my core, I’m one of the most thoughtful, sensitive, caring, and generous people you’ll meet, but because I’m labeled as a B****, most would never know.

Then came the statistics I’d often hear about: the failure and/or drop out rate of first generation college kids, the likelihood for me to become an unwed mother because my mother was one, stats of a fatherless child, etc. I’ve spent my life running from these labels and statistics…hence my ongoing quest for greatness. The problem is that in my quest for greatness I’d inadvertently become what I tried to avoid (single mother, angry black woman, etc).

It took life circumstances, THERAPY, and my pursuit of becoming better to see the damage labels had caused. So how did I (do you) overcome labels?

1. Learn You – who are you? Not the roles you hold, but who are YOU? (Not sure, therapy helps, spending intentional time with yourself helps, etc)
2. Be {authentically} You – you are an uniquely created being there is no other person quite like you. Once you realize there is no label that encompasses all of who you are and were created to be; you’ll no longer see the need for labels (society’s or your own).
3. Validate your own feelings – you’re responsible for your feelings, not anyone else, so it’s your choice to accept the label or ignore it.
4. Let it Go – I struggle with this piece, but let it go. Holding onto it, only hinders you or creates the space for you to become what you’re not.

It would take a lifetime to outrun labels; society will always find ways to label others. At the end of the day, what matters is who God says you are. You’ll lose precious moments trying to prove others (stats) wrong.

Learn you…Grow you..Be you…

We got this!

– Chels