It was August 13, 2013…
I sat in the car looking out the window…pondering so many things…it was 4 days from my wedding day and the UNTHINKABLE happened…we no longer had a minister to marry my fiancé (whose a pastor) and I. For some reason, it was then that I began to see all of my inadequacies and truly began questioning whether I was good enough.
- What was God thinking when He created me for him (my husband)?
- Who would’ve thought that I would marry a minister, let alone a Pastor?
- Is this really what He’s instructed us to do? Or is this something we’ve concocted on our own?
Most people would’ve thought intently on the answers to those questions prior to 4 days before they were to be married. Before now, I could answer all of those questions emphatically with no hesitation in a positive and affirmative nature. What was different now? It was REAL; I was getting married…not only that, but I was marrying a PASTOR…no not a Deacon, Youth Pastor or Young Adult Minister…THE PASTOR…the Head Honcho…the commander-in-chief…and I was going to be the Pastor’s wife, the First Lady. As I sat and pondered on these questions: All kinds of emotions became apparent…
Intimidation.
I was marrying one of God’s most powerful and highly anointed preachers. {{Y’all my husband is an out of this WORLD preacher}}. If I’m to be his help mate; Am I equipped to handle him and all of his “powerfulness”?
God’s response: For you are my handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which I prepared in advance for you to do. Ephesians 2:10
So I’m equipped…ok.
Fear.
Fearful of the “true” answer to those questions. Not that I wasn’t good enough, but that I was more than equipped. What if I don’t handle it like I’m suppose to? Scared of failing…of making mistakes…scared of looking less than perfect…Unlike some, I’ve always understood that God had “some” great purpose for me, but I had no clue what that was.
God’s response: I’ve not given you the spirit of fear, but I’ve given you POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND. 2 Timothy 1:7
So I have the POWER and a SOUND MIND to do this.
Then in walks…
Insecurity.
You’re probably thinking she was scared of all the women he would encounter…NEGATIVE…(that’s another subject for another day and I PROMISE it’s coming…lol). Insecurity is the lack of confidence or uncertainty/anxiety about oneself. I was insecure because I wasn’t sure of MY purpose. My husband knew what God created him for, but I had no idea what God created me to do. I was 27; had an awesome career, but had no clue what I was supposed to be doing in ministry. How can I lead (with him) women and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do?
God’s response: TRUST ME
How did I counteract all of these overwhelming emotions? I realized I had to TRUST GOD.
Trust God when I had no answers, trust God when I saw the answer, but couldn’t put it into action…JUST TRUST GOD.
How do we trust God? The answer is just as simple, as it is complex: faith. Your faith has to be pushed into action. Jesus tells us in Matthew 17:20 all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed and we can move mountains. Faith will push you pass what you see.
How do we walk by faith? 1) Claim the Promises of God – Go after everything He’s told you is yours; 2) Be Obedient to His Word – do what His Word tells us to do; 3) Be Fully Committed to God – time out for half-stepping
Your struggle may not have anything to do with marriage or marrying into ministry. Please remember whatever you’re going through, dealing with, or trying to understand: it’s for a purpose.
Execute your faith, be steadfast in your belief and TRUST God.
© Chelsyea Jackson and UnShaded Revelations, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Chelsyea Jackson and UnShaded Revelations with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
I sat in the car looking out the window…pondering so many things…it was 4 days from my wedding day and the UNTHINKABLE happened…we no longer had a minister to marry my fiancé (whose a pastor) and I. For some reason, it was then that I began to see all of my inadequacies and truly began questioning whether I was good enough.
UnShaded Revelations 
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