UnShaded Revelations

I’ve always been the type of person who likes to know what’s next. Not just in a “planner” kind of way but in a “let me control the outcome” kind of way. For me, control wasn’t just about feeling organized; it was about feeling safe. If I could anticipate, fix, or manage the outcome, then maybe I wouldn’t be blindsided. Maybe I could avoid disappointment altogether.

But life has a way of humbling your sense of control.

In my early 20s, I had this whole timeline mapped out – graduate college at 21, engaged by 23, married by 25, and be done having children by 28. I truly believed that if I followed the plan, everything would fall into place. Well, that’s not how life worked out. I graduated college at 21, then things got interesting…got married at 28, had my son at 30, and was divorced by 31. My entire timeline? Wrecked. What I thought I was building came crashing down, and I found myself staring at the pieces of a life I no longer recognized.

If I’m honest, letting go felt like losing. Losing the life I imagined, losing the version of me I had worked so hard to become, and losing my sense of security. Letting go can feel like you’re giving up, like you’re surrendering something you desperately wanted to hold on to. But what I’ve learned is that what feels like loss is often making space for something greater.

Letting go isn’t just about throwing your hands up and hoping for the best…it’s active surrender. It’s the courage to release your version of the story so God can write the one He intended all along. It’s choosing to open your hands and say, “God, this is Yours.”

For me, God kept bringing me back to a few key lessons:

Let go of timing. I kept trying to force things to fit my schedule — relationships, career moves, and even healing. But God’s timing wasn’t mine. I learned a valuable lesson here: if I had surrendered my timeline in my 20s, there likely wouldn’t have been a divorce in my 30s. Truth is, in my 20s, I don’t think I truly knew enough about life, love, or myself to be anyone’s wife or mother. Yet, I felt the need to stick to my timeline, and that pressure made me force things that weren’t yet ready. Looking back, I can see how God was trying to reroute me all along. What I called “delay” turned out to be divine preparation. And the things I thought were being withheld? God was actually protecting me.

Let go of control. I’ve always been someone who tries to fix things myself. If something feels broken, I’m the one coming up with solutions, plans, and strategies. But God has shown me that some battles aren’t mine to fight. Letting go of control has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn; especially because I convinced myself that my “fixing” was just being responsible. I believed that if I worked hard enough, tried long enough, or strategized well enough, I could make things work. I thought I could will things into alignment if I just pushed a little harder. But then there were moments when I felt powerless…situations I couldn’t fix, relationships I couldn’t mend, conversations I couldn’t force, and outcomes I couldn’t predict. I had to learn that surrender didn’t mean giving up…it meant releasing the pressure to be God in my own life. It meant admitting that no matter how much I planned, some things were beyond my control.

Here’s what I’ve learned: It’s not enough to just be aware of your controlling nature. Awareness alone won’t move you forward. Awareness must be followed by action…the intentional practice of releasing what you can’t control and trusting God with what you can’t yet see.

And when I finally released what I couldn’t manage, I saw God move in ways I never could. The peace I was trying to create by controlling everything? It came when I stopped trying to manage what was never mine to carry in the first place.

Let go of fear. Fear is sneaky. It disguises itself as wisdom sometimes…whispering things like, “Maybe this isn’t the right time,” or “What if this doesn’t work out?” But fear will have you holding on to things God is trying to free you from.

Recently, my son has developed this serious fear of flying bugs; it’s to the point where if he sees one near the door, he’ll freeze and refuse to move. Tonight, he needed to grab his charger from the car, but a crane fly had made its way into the garage. When he opened the door, the bug flew into the laundry room. In his panic, he left the door open long enough for another one to get in too.

I could see him standing there, frozen, scared to move forward. In frustration, I told him, “Canaan, GO. It’s not going to hurt you. Just keep going.” But fear had him stuck.

Determined to show him he could push through, I grabbed his arm (while he screamed, “No mom please!”) and walked him past the bug to the other side of the door. Was he still scared? Absolutely. But he saw firsthand that what he needed was on the other side of his fear, and all he had to do was keep moving.

In that moment, God spoke to me. I realized how often I’ve been just like Canaan — frozen, overthinking, and unwilling to move forward because fear convinced me that something small was much bigger than it actually was. Just like I told my son, God has been saying to me, “Keep going. It’s not going to hurt you.” And like Canaan, I’ve learned that sometimes the only way to break free from fear is to take the next step, scared, unsure, and all, trusting that God is walking me through it. Faith isn’t the absence of fear; it’s pushing through it. It’s choosing to keep moving, even when your heart is racing and your mind is filled with “what ifs.” Faith is believing that God’s presence is greater than the thing you’re afraid of and that what He’s calling you to is worth the discomfort of stepping forward.

Letting go requires faith — the kind that says, “Even if I don’t understand it now, I trust God knows what He’s doing.” It’s the courage to believe that what feels like loss is actually making room for something better.

Scripture for Reflection:

• “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
• “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Grace & Love,

Chels