UnShaded Revelations

I have been in church all my life. I, honestly, don’t know anything different. I was on the youth usher board, the youth ministry president, the secretary, youth praise dance team, etc. I’ve been a part of it ALL. If the church was open 9 times out of 10, we were there.  Even with all of that, nothing would prepare me for what I was walking into.  When I got married and entered into ministry, like I did, I believe there was still a naïveté about what I was in for.  I knew it wasn’t just going to be peaches and cream, but I didn’t realize it would be Cheez Wiz and crackers…lol.  On the way to the altar, everyone had all types of advice, but no one could prepare me for the life I signed up for other than God himself, seriously.  

1. Your life is consumed with ministry – There are no off-days in ministry;  it is a 365/52/7/24 job.    There may be times when your husband is just NOT available to you.  As bad as that sounds, it’s truth.  What’s the solution to that?  My husband and I always make sure to set aside time for us to connect.  It has to be intentional; it can’t be anything done haphazardly.  There will be times when you miss him; just politely let him know.  Transparent moment:  Before I was truly accustomed to being a Pastor’s wife, I would throw tantrums (yes I am real grown and throwing tantrums; I’m spoiled…lol); not like throw myself on the floor, but I’d pout get mad…find something to fight about…just to get his attention, if I felt like he hadn’t been home enough.  WRONG MOVE: Definitely not the road you’d want to travel…lol…Communicate.  Brings me to my next point…
2. Ministry can be lonely.  Ever been in a room filled with people and still feel all by yourself?  Yep, it gets like that sometimes.  You can’t vent like everyone does or not everyone understands you/what you’re dealing with.  Honestly, in those moments, I find that’s when God is dealing with me or confirming things in me. It doesn’t change that you feel isolated, but sometimes it is definitely for your good. 
3. Everyone is NOT going to like you (yes, even in the church) – I’ve dealt with my share of being disliked for one reason or another, whether warranted or not, throughout my lifetime, but never have I dealt with that at church. At my home church, I was the church’s baby, literally.  I was loved by everyone…lol…so to experience someone disliking me on the basis of NOTHING has been an absolute trip.
4. I was given this advice AFTER I was married: There will be things you see that you don’t ALWAYS have to speak on or tell him about.  You have to learn to discern the difference of it being vitally important or if it’s something you can pray about and let God handle.  I’ll be completely honest, I still struggle with this.  My husband and I talk about EVERYTHING, so it’s hard for me not to tell him. The problem that comes up sometimes is that I see it, but he doesn’t, well instead of him saying “Ok, I’ll be on the lookout”…He does what most men do “You’re overreacting, over-reading, you don’t know what you’re talking about” type thing…LOL…(The Lord helped them, when He gave them us…LOL)…if you’re not careful it can become an argument and affect your marriage. 
5. Someone is ALWAYS watching – whether they are watching because they admire you, ready to jockey for your position, or just want to have something to say…they’re watching.  I’m not saying not to be you, but definitely be cognizant of that.  
6. Do NOT try to live up to the spoken and unspoken expectations that others place on you.  (Ex. you’re supposed to look like, act like, talk like, etc etc etc.) If there is no conviction from God, there is definitely no need to please man.  A friend of mine brought to my attention that there were NO specific Biblical instructions on how to be a Pastor’s wife.  So what that says to me is “Make it Your Own; Be who HE called you to be”…
7. Your husband will sometimes bring “work” home – There will be times when he’s carrying the weight of everyone else’s burdens.  As his wife, you have to be strong enough to carry him, cover him, and pray for him when he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders.  No, he can’t always talk to about what’s going on, but most definitely be there as best you can.  MAKE SURE YOU’RE PRAYING.  Last, but not least:
8. PRAY…PRAY…PRAY…PRAY…Have a prayer life.  It is going to be essential for you to have a prayer life and a relationship with Christ.  If not, working with “church folk” can make you crazy and run you ragged, seriously.  I can honestly say that my prayer life has grown tremendously, since being married.  My husband and I make it a habit to pray with each other daily and have our own separate prayer times.  I find myself praying silently, in the car…while cooking…at work…on the way home…walking upstairs…it’s truly become a way of life for me.  

Again, I’m not an expert and I’m pretty sure in another year…there will be 7 more things I wish someone told me.  Ultimately, we have to understand that this life is in no way about us.  We live a life of sacrifice; whether it’s sacrificing time, finances, material things, etc. Prayer and relationship will get you through. 

Yes, it’s difficult, but it’s not unattainable.  With God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26

Be Blessed. 

– Lady CMJ

© Chelsyea Jackson and UnShaded Revelations, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Chelsyea Jackson and UnShaded Revelations with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.