Do you or have you ever found yourself walking around with some sort of chip on your shoulder? What about hearing those around you say “lighten up” or “you’re uptight”?
Yeah that was once me…and sometimes, it still is…
We (women) are seen as the docile or submissive gender, but what people often fail to realize is women have to be just as strong as our male counterparts. We carry so many roles…wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, teacher, voice of reason…and we are EXPECTED to keep it together in the midst of any crisis…
Do you find yourself ready to give up? Ready to throw in the towel? Yes, that’s been me, too…sometimes still is…
Guess what? As cliché, as it sounds…You’re not alone.
A few weeks ago, I had the awesome opportunity of attending the “Hiding Behind the Lipstick” Conference with First Lady Myesha Chaney. It was a true eye-opening experience and a definite confirmation of my calling/purpose. The point of the conference was to address our underlying issues; those issues we seem to hide from everyone else. We tend to put up this facade and live up to these “unspoken expectations” of acting like everything is ok, but HBTL empowered us (women) in being able to say “everything is NOT ok”.
We need to get past not wanting people in our business, being scared we may be judged or thinking we can handle things on our own. Who knows what kind of help is out there for you, if you just opened your mouth? Whose to say there’s not someone else out there who has dealt with the same thing? Or how many people your testimony could help? My Pastor (husband) told us yesterday, our testimonies are specifically designed to help others, so who are we or what right do we have to hold on to that? When you look at it from that perspective, it changes the whole outlook.
I hear you saying: “I have this under control; I don’t need to talk to others about what’s going on with me”…Here’s my answer to that..it’s simple…”No, it’s not under control.” Prove it you say…Ok, I have just ONE question:
When things that look familiar happen, how do you respond? Is it the way you’ve always responded (shutting down, lashing out, becoming reclusive, or whatever your thing is)?
If the answer to the above question is you’ve found another positive way to address or deal with it…great!…but if the answer is “I do what I normally do”…then I have another question, are you truly healed? How do you know?
My story is a tad bit different than others…I explained previously that my dad left when I was two. My mother raised my brother and myself without much help from our fathers…we lived with my grandparents, so they helped where they could…but that missing piece (my father) was still that…MISSING. As I got older, I longed for the male attention, so I got myself into situations where I allowed my judgment, purity, and faith to be compromised. I was still going to church, singing in community or gospel choirs, singing on praise teams, heck the church musicians were the ones I was dealing with (no one would ever know that though…see there goes that facade AGAIN)…I dealt with guy, after guy…most times just for the attention…or being taken to dinner…or to just have the “facade” of a guy…I’ve been cheated on and have been “the other woman” more times than I can count…and I can honestly say that I was okay with it at the time…Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame my dad for anything, but I understand “cause and effect”…I made the choices I made because I wanted “his” attention.
When I met my husband, I was dealing with all of the EXTRA baggage I picked up along the way. My husband was the first guy I felt was truly interested in me and not what I had to offer…it wasn’t until I met him that I began to realize why I was doing the “extra” and was okay with it. He helped me dig deeper and find the root cause of the “chip on my shoulder”, me being “uptight”, my lack of trust” etc…
So what am I saying to you?
After I began to RELEASE some of the things that were on me, I was then able to “loosen up”, be less “uptight”, and knock that “chip off my shoulder”. Am I telling you that once you open up to someone everything will fall into place? No, but it will begin to help you, possibly help some one around you, or aid those around you in better understanding you…but most of all, it’ll help you better understand you…
- PRAY – As you grow in and with God, this is your first point of contact and communication. Ask God to heal the hurt, deliver you from the bitterness, and ask Him to send you someone who can help you through, which brings me to my next point…
- Seek counsel/wisdom – we have to understand that we will not always have ALL the answers. Read Proverbs 12:15; 28:26…Counsel could be through your pastor, ministry leader, and/or a Christian Counselor/Psychologist…not all the time is it safe to walk alone.
- Be deliberate in your RELEASE – Your release/testimony is to help others…so do just that…Help others…Ask God for guidance on how to do that…work with a ministry leader on ideas, but put in the work and touch as many lives as you can with your testimony…
Food for thought: If our purpose in life is ministry, is our ministry as effective as it could be (should be) when we don’t deal with our own issues?
-Lady CMJ
© Chelsyea Jackson and UnShaded Revelations, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Chelsyea Jackson and UnShaded Revelations with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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